The topic for my first guest visit to the Men’s Club is rather apt: How do you tell if a man, or woman, is single?

It’s a simple enough question, yet the answer’s far from straight forward because there are very few outward signs that the girl at the bar, in the middle of the dance floor, on the treadmill at the gym, or in the frozen food section is single (loading up on frozen meals for one is not a sign - it usually means that she, or he ladies, doesn’t have time to cook).

Anyway, to start with we’ll set the scene. We’re in a quiet bar somewhere sharing a drink with a couple of friends and opposite us there’s a similar group, all female, with one girl that I think is attractive. Can I tell, from where I’m sitting, whether or not she’s single?

First up there’s a very obvious clue, rings on her fingers. Specifically her wedding ring finger! A little band of diamond studded gold or silver on that digit would be a damn good indicator that the object of my attention is not single. Yes, there might be some who are wearing a ring on that finger because it’s the only one it fits on, but is it really worth the risk? And there may be some who do have a ring but aren’t wearing it, however, in reality they tend to be few and far between. ‘Forgetting’ to wear their ring is, unfortunately, a sleazy trick that guys seem to have cornered. Sorry ladies..

So lets say the girl in front of me has no ring on her finger, that only tells me that she isn’t engaged or married. She could still have a boyfriend, so can I tell if she’s single by the way she dresses?

The answer to that is no because, quite simply, the majority of women take great pride in their appearance. Doesn’t matter if they’re in a relationship or not, they want to look good and feel good so they’re going to make an effort before they step out the door. If it’s a night out then they’re going to double their efforts. It might be to make their other half smile or it might be to attract someone, but usually it’s because they just want to feel damn good about themselves. There’s nothing in the rulebook guys that says women aren’t allowed to look fabulous and sexy and have fun just because they have a significant other.

The same also applies to dressing down. Anyone can choose to have a lazy day spent lounging about in old clothes or sweatpants regardless of their relationship status. So really, there’s nothing in the way that a woman dresses that will tell me if she’s single or not. And now we’ve ruled out dress style, how about body language?

Well this is slightly more hopeful, but again not conclusive by any means because body language is a powerful tool and there are those, both male and female, who know how to use it in everyday life. So let’s imagine that we’ve move around in our groups, and I’m sitting opposite her with nothing between us exept for a small stool or table.

Now the first signs are encouraging. She’s glancing over at me, catching my eye and looking away quickly before looking back and holding my gaze for slightly longer. She’s playing with her hair, her legs are crossed and her feet pointing in my general direction, her hand’s running up and down her glass, and I feel like there’s a little ’spark’ between us. Yet while it tells me that she’s interested in me (assuming I’m astute enough to pick up on her body language correctly), it still doesn’t tell me if she’s single or not. She might just be flirting harmlessly with me, as people tend to do with one another.

No, the easiest and only way to tell if a woman is single is to stop looking for hidden signs and just talk to her. I know that terrifies some guys, but it’s really not difficult and you’d be amazed at how far a simple “Hi,” and a smile can get you. Pay attention to what she’s saying, listen to her and don’t be afraid to ask questions because chances are that you’ll be able to work out her relationship status from the answers. And if you can’t, then ask her about it. Word it properly and you might be surprised to find that your honesty and openess are appreciated.

But that’s just my thoughts on the matter, so for a little bit of balance make sure you check out the rest of the Mens Club, (including a handy little check list) over at Project Bowl, Naked Villainy, Jamesyboy and Phins place as well..

And the Demystifying Divas weigh in with their thoughts, starting out with Sadie, then Phoenix, Kathy at Cake Eater Chronicles, everyones favourite stalker, Silk, and finally Pammy…

You can find the original question over on The Flirt Blog!